A Letter from my Pet: Funny Pets and their Actual Throughts
RE: Negotiating with your Hooman
Dear Hooman,
Today you decided to throw out my tennis ball and I have now decided to disown you. The incredulous act will not be forgotten nor will it be tolerated. Prepare yourself for WWIII of dog hair, chewed shoes and never ending barking until the end of time.
Sincerely,
Mookie Moo de Dachshund.
P.S. If you feed me ham with my dinner I will consider potential negotiations.
P.P.S. Don’t you dare put any broccoli in it!
RE: Da Bum Rubs
Dear Mahm,
I really liked da bum rubs you gave me on Wednesday. I would really like da bum rubs to continue. I am proposing to consider not chewings your flippy flops in returns for daily scheduled bum rubs.
Please inform my assistant Karen with your replys as soon as possiblys convenient.
Sincerely
Millie Moo de Dachsund
RE: Summer Stench
Dear Hooman,
I know your snout is sub-par compared to my amazingly keen vacuum sniffer, but the smells at the park lately are fantastic. I have decided to use these wonderful smells as my ongoing perfume for the summer. I’m going to call it Swamp Stench. Please refrain bathing me for the next five months.
Thx so much
Your super smelly pooch,
Mookie Moo de Dachshund
RE: Your Poor Time Management
Dearest Person,
I would like to discuss your inability to feed me at my requested time. I warn you that my meowling can get louder if you refuse to wake up at 5am and feed me my pre-breakfast. I need enou
gh time for a cat-nap before my regular breakfast at 8am.
Consider yourself warned.
Sincerely,
Pumpkin the greatest feline ever in the world that has walked this earth.
RE: My Generous Gifting
Dear hooman,
I’ve noticed that you continue to dispose of the dead mice presents I continue to bring you. Please note that this is considered of the utmost snobbery and will force me to hide them throughout the house.
If you don’t want mouses throughout your houses, stop throwing them out.
Sincerely,
Pumpkin the best feline that has ever walked this earth.